What is Self-Actualization? And Can We Ever Achieve it, When the Odds Are Stacked Against Us?

“I would personally rather just meditate and travel and do my life. I don't really want to do this for fun.

But the need is so dramatic. I have no choice.”

This was a conversation I had with a friend last week. 

After it was over, and we’d both gone back to our “little” lives I started to think how true this was, and I hadn’t even realised it...

***

Let me rewind and give you the bigger picture. 

For nearly 28 years I’ve had various brick and mortar businesses...

Bodywork Therapy and Health Coaching in California. Chiropractic Wellness  in Charlotte. Asheville inbetween…and Bosie.

But, last year I made the decision to close it all down, and offer my work full time without a physical location. 

That part of my life was over. 

Why?

Well, the reason is simultaneously entirely simple and eminently complex: 

It wasn’t enough.

You see, despite the smaller world we inhabit -- the ease with which we travel, access information, connect online, or (as my story shows) have the opportunity to move on, set-up-shop and start over --

People are less connected than ever. Less connected with one another, and less connected with themselves.

Compare your life with that of your grandparents (or great-grandparents) for a moment. It's likely they grew up in the same town, had the same job, even met and married someone from the same neighbourhood.

(Now, I’m not saying past generations had it easier, or “better.” Life back then undoubtedly had its own challenges, frustrations and repressions.)

But the truth is in the 28 years I had my brick-and-mortar, I’ve watched the fabric of our society change, deteriorate, break down, impact our families, and our physical and mental wellbeing…

Until...

A time comes when we spend more time on our screens, inside boxes, inside our own heads than we do connecting on a human level.

And ultimately, we have lost touch with what gives life depth, texture and meaning.

What Maslow (Might) Have to Say About this… 

Let me draw on American psychologist Abraham Maslow to unpack this a little. 

In his 1943 paper "A Theory of Human Motivation" Maslow stated there were 5 sets of needs a human being needs to thrive -- from basic, all the way to complex. 

Often depicted as a pyramid, Maslow's theory illustrates that people must meet essential physiological and safety needs first before they can focus on higher-level needs like belonging, esteem, and self-actualization.

Earlier generations (and certainly our ancestors before them) were focused on physiological, or safety needs: making money and paying the bills, accumulating for survival and safety, all the way back to hunting and gathering. 

And this is important because, for the first time in human history (in our developed world at least) most people's “basic” survival needs are met, which should create space for love and belonging, esteem and ultimately self-actualization.

*image by thoughtco.com

And yet… 

I believe (and I believe Maslow would agree) ;) as a collective we’ve never been taught how to develop at these levels -- let alone put them into practice.  

Let’s Examine the Stats... 

40% of people feel isolated at work.

• Harvard Business Review. (2019)

Loneliness is a public health epidemic with one in three Americans feeling lonely every week. 

• The American Psychiatry Association, 2024.

85% of people worldwide have low self-esteem.

• Psychology Today. (2019)

 Only 36% of people can accurately identify their emotions.

• Dr Marc Brackett. (2019). Permission to Feel.

Most people struggle to identify their core values without guided work.

• Brene Brown. (2018). Dare to Lead.

While 95% of people think they're self-aware, only 10-15% actually are. 

• Tasha Eurich, What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It). Harvard Business Review.

(I could go on, but you get the picture.)

Truth is, even Maslow himself believed that only 1-2% of the population will (remember: will, not “can”) ever achieve true self-actualization.

And some 80 years later not even the stats can prove him wrong. 

So, What is “Self-Actualization,” and How Can We Achieve it? 

Self-actualization has been described as “fulfilling your potential” -- but for me that’s somewhat simplistic. It’s the pinnacle: it’s the best you can be through curiosity, self-examination and action. 

Look at it this way: our education system has been the envy of the world, and rightly so -- it’s never been more possible to be socially mobile, or attend an Ivy League School. It teaches us reading, writing, math, history, science…

But, it doesn’t teach us how to develop the highest levels of self-actualization.

Now, I can sense you may disagree with this point... After all, you may feel perfectly well-rounded, extremely privileged, you may have money and success -- and you may be able to trace it all back to a teacher who saw something in you, or parents who inspired and encouraged you. 

But for me, true self-actualization is actually much, much more than that. 

It is the possibility of the human experience.

It’s about being completely self-aware; of your strengths and weaknesses, having the ability to emotionally regulate yourself, being in touch with the state of your health, being aware of the stage of life you are in, having a deep sense of your value, and awareness of your negative patterns as well... 

It helps you uncover your vision, and live every moment of every day in accordance with that vision. 

It’s about knowing your core values -- and using them for the good of your life, your family, your community. 

And ultimately? 

Self-actualization is a lifelong process. 

And it’s what I help all my clients to achieve.

Do The Deep Work

For years I found it hard to articulate the work that I do. It’s only recently I’ve come to realize it’s an amalgamation, an accumulation of everything I’ve learned, and every experience I’ve had -- all that’s brought me to this point. 

I'm in the legacy part of my life, the teaching part of my life, the sharing part of my life.

And yes, the need is so great I have no choice about it. 

That’s why now, instead of working in the parameters of “Holistic Health” “Bodywork and Massage Therapy” or “Health Coaching” my work is all encompassing, Transformational Coaching. For the last 28 plus years I have deeply dived into all levels of human health and into what makes a human being thrive and live fully… 

When I get to know a client 1:1, we look at whatever’s going on in their life, whatever they've been through -- work, relationships, self, health -- and use that as an entry point.

We uncover their blocks, so that they can create a much deeper relationship with themselves, their own process, ultimately with life itself.

We repair their deep wiring and complete the developmental stages that were missed but are essential to thriving, to self-actualization. We finish what was left incomplete, holistically.

And the result is quite magical:

They start to engage in relationships in a different way. They become free of repressed, suppressed, unprocessed emotions and feelings: heavy things in their lives that they’ve never been able to deal with. 

They have integrity of purpose, and a reason for living.

They become so connected, so clear and aligned with their vision, that they’re able to deal with any issues, situations, or challenges that come up - without losing balance. 

They build connection: they have the genuine Energy to engage with their family, and connect with their colleagues and larger community on a meaningful life-affirming level.

They create or engage in their own spiritual practice. 

They repair the pain and sadness, and instead of being a mere bystander in their life, can commit themselves as a full participant and author of it.

And every single one of them is happier, more fulfilled, making more money, and is living now whatever their deepest desires were at the beginning of our work together! 

In short, they do the deep work. 

They are engaged in the adventure that is their life, and I have no doubt, one day they’ll reach that state of self-actualization. 

***

Okay, I’ve thrown many stats, many new ways of thinking at you -- please comment below, I’d love to know what resonates. 

Oh, and if you’re interested in my 1:1 work, please SEND ME AN EMAIL  and I’ll add you to the waitlist. There’s no obligation, you’ll simply be the first to know when new slots open.

Love and Blessings, 🙏🏻💛🪷

P.S. If it feels like things are different around here -- you’re right they are! I’m ramping up my newsletter to share my innermost thoughts and visions, teachings and travels from around the world. 

And here’s the thing: it won’t always be easy, and I won’t always get it right… 

But I’m laying myself on the line for you.

Because this thing called life? It’s no joke. You’ve got to go all in and give it your all. 

You’ve got to do the deep work.

And here, in this newsletter, that’s exactly what we’re going to do. :) xo