Why You Can’t Switch Off At Night & What Your Body Is Trying to Tell You
May 23, 2026
I'm writing this from a retreat center in Tennessee. It's a deeply beloved space to me (and one I'm not ready to share just yet). But being here has helped me underline something about my life… and I think this will resonate with you too.
You see, every day this week, I've been deep in nature, and in volunteer work. And every night I’ve climbed into bed, felt gratitude for my day, and slept like a baby.
With everything that's happened in my life recently: leaving India and coming back to the US, despite the pressure of time, and urgency of getting everything done in order to move forward with my life and work --
I’ve made the space to be here and created the space to re-energize in this particular way. .
And that got me thinking…
If you’re reading this it’s likely you’re a deeply driven high-achiever. Your days are filled with endless checklists. Maybe you travel from one state to another. You consult in-person, or spend hours on Zoom.
You’re working hard to make life happen.
You likely fall into bed exhausted each night…
And do it all again tomorrow.
But, let me ask you:
When did you last sleep, really sleep? And when did you last wake up in the morning, energized and excited for your day?
Despite their busy schedules, many of my clients tell me they still end up lying awake at night, wired and exhausted -- and my guess is you’re no different.
But the problem isn’t how many hours you clock at the gym, the number of steps you take, or how busy your day might be...
No, the problem is down to a mix of energetics, emotional and physical…
And it’s altogether more personal than that.
So, if this feels all-too familiar, read on with me, and we’ll explore it together.
***
First, let's start at the beginning.
And go back (to around 150 years to be precise!) Picture your life as it might be then, compared to how it is now.
You, keeping a home, the mechanics of your day-to-day life, water. The effort it takes to survive. The physicality of it all.
Back then most of us would expend a certain amount of physical energy that would just tire us out. It wasn’t like going to the gym and lifting weights, or being on a treadmill. It was just life. And back then, life used the body's energy in the way it was designed to be used.
Fast forward to today and most of us are sedentary by comparison. We sit in front of a computer. We drive, we have things delivered. We get home and switch on the TV.
We stay in our little bubble and don't have to interact with anyone -- and when we do, it's often with a screen...
With things that don't respond to us.
Now this may seem relatively obvious, but we must start there. Because physical energy is only part of the equation.
The same is true on an emotional, hormonal level.
There’s a certain level of closeness -- a real oxytocin exchange -- that comes from being in the physical space of a person you care deeply about.
In having deep, healthy, intimate relationships that are real, respectful, and deeply honor each other's humanity. So that when conflict arises (which it will, naturally in any human relationship) there’s an ability to grow and to repair in a way that creates deeper intimacy instead of division.
Talking. Touching. Being held, and being seen.
Being valued for who you truly are.
(But sadly, from what I see in the world, or conversations I have with my clients, I see this type of connection as extremely rare.)
The truth is most of us take our childhood family systems, all the dynamics we grew up in (good, strained, imperfect) and carry it straight into our adult lives. This in turn has an impact on how we interact, how we attach, and how we relate to one another…
At least until we do this conscious work.
So, if a relationship in our lives feels stale, complicated or predictable in some way, it's easy to fall into negative patterns. It’s easy to substitute binge-watching TV, or scrolling incessantly on our phones over making an effort with that other person.
Even our pets can be a substitute (and I say that with love) partly because they offer a version of “closeness” without having to navigate the full complexity of another person's world.
Now, I'm not saying this to judge. I've lived it myself in the past. (And, yes, I still miss Monkey, the cat I rehomed before I flew to India.)
I’m not minimizing any of it.
But the fact of the matter is this:
There are many Universal Principles of human life that I teach. And one of them is that there's a certain amount of physical energy we need to expend every day, in the right way, or else it will pile up and create a disturbance in the system.
And I know this because I've been there myself.
I went from closing down my in-person bodywork and massage therapy practice, working on people’s physical bodies, to coaching clients online full-time. I found myself sitting in front of a computer more than I ever had in my life, and I had to figure out:
How do I use this energy now? How do I not become stagnant?
So now, everyday, I walk outside for at least half an hour. I work out. I jump on a trampoline. I dance to at least one song. I do my sadhana, my yoga and meditation, because these practices regulate my system in a way that nothing else can.
I play. (And make an effort to include play in my life, as I do believe as adults, we rarely play for play’s sake.)
I stay present as much as possible.
I tend to the things in life that are genuinely important to me, and surround myself with flowers and beauty because I'm a human animal and that’s nourishing to the human system.
The truth is, you can't stew in your head as much when you’re genuinely engaged in your life. When you’re connected with a bigger reality in a positive, healthy, and contributory way.
In a way that has meaning and purpose to you.
And honestly, that is the missing piece:
Figuring out what YOU actually want.
Learning how to understand yourself as a whole, complete, complex human organism, and giving your system what it actually needs.
Because there's a reason the restlessness you feel comes late at night when the world is quiet, and you can’t ignore your inner thoughts...
But if you’re fully engaged in your life, if you’re fully engaged in other people, and live your day-to-day in a way that's stimulating to you -- the truth is you wouldn't need those distractions.
You wouldn’t need to look at your phone at midnight.
So, take the time to consider:
What relationship do you have with yourself?
How is your relationship with your partner, or children?
Are you happy in the work that you do?
How much fulfillment do you have?
Are you doing any volunteer work?
How often do you engage with friends?
How is your energy really spent? Do you live with presence of mind? Or do you allow scrolling, screens, and avoidant behavior to interrupt your life?
Then hit reply and tell me what you uncover.
Like I said: no judgement. We’re all in it together. 🥰
Love and Blessings, 🙏🏻💛🪷
P.S. There's no Audio Edition this week (although you can catch past issues here) because I'm at the retreat, deep in volunteering, meditation, and reflection.
🎁So, instead, I'd love to give you a gift.
The Feminine CEO's Energy Audit is the perfect place to pull back the hood on your life, and take an honest look at where your energy is wasted. What drains you, energizes you -- how you can refresh yourself, and bring yourself back into balance.
In the words of my client it will take you from: “Overwhelmed and reactive,” to “grounded, abundant, and truly in charge of my life. It’s nothing short of transformational.”
