Are You Doing the Deep Work? Or Just Rearranging the Furniture…?

Many years ago, I had a massage therapy client, who was only in his mid 50’s, but already had one hip replaced. 

He came to my practice complaining of pain, inflammation and difficulty standing. He was convinced he needed the other hip done. He said “It feels just like the other one did just before I got it replaced.”

“Just come to me once a week for one month, and let’s see what we can do,” I said.

And I went to work on him. 

Everything around his hip, his thigh, his IT band, his adductors, his psoas, his hamstring, his quad,  low back, calves-- everything needed to be opened up.

We did the deep profound structural work and his hip problems and pain totally went away. 

And this taught me something valuable… 

You can give someone an operation, an exercise -- or in business terms -- a strategy. You can work with the physical, you can move it, you can rearrange it…

But if there are ingrained patterns, if there’s stuff that's unprocessed, dynamics deep in the body -- you’re just rearranging the furniture, and it's going to come right back.

 ***

Now I no longer do massage or physiotherapy with my clients. But deep structural work is a principle I’ve evolved... 

And I’ve never been more hands on. 

So let me introduce you to three of my clients -- and allow me to explain. 

Being a Better Communicator (Without The Same Tired Old Strategies) 

When Clair came to me she felt misunderstood, and disconnected, as if whatever she expressed didn’t land in the way she wanted it to. 

She simply couldn’t communicate effectively. 

But interestingly, we didn’t work on her communication skills at all. I never coached her on how to speak differently, phrase things better, or manage her conversations -- once.

Instead, we went much deeper, into her childhood, into what role she had to play to be loved. How she became wired around accomplishment, and responsibility. She held everything together. She was a strong, capable woman, but she’d lost touch with herself, and was playing another role: of what it looked like to be successful.

Her team was missing her. They couldn’t feel her heart, not because she didn’t care, but because she’d built a fortress of appearance, and was so well protected. 

So we did deep inner work: internal family systems, real self-connection, and attachment repair. And because of that, every relationship in her life changed for the better. Not by doing peripheral things like learning how to “lead a room,” or “stand on stage,” but helping her to relate to herself -- and better relate to other people. 

Productivity, Performance and Princeton

Amber was high achieving in every sense of the word, with outstanding achievements, and a place at Princeton. 

(A life that, from the outside at least, looks like the very definition of success.)

But she was losing her energy to push through and wasn’t getting her to do lists accomplished. 

Now, before working with me, she consulted another coach, who gave her strategies for focus and productivity… And sure, these would work for a couple of days, until she’d lose interest and feel it all dissipate again.

But soon we realized that what Amber was suffering from wasn’t a lack of motivation, focus or drive… She was depleted. The truth was, she’d been driven by a high-achieving, education-oriented, success-minded home, until she’d simply run out of juice…

And the last thing she needed was another strategy. 

So instead, I did something very different…

I helped her listen to what her system actually needed: tap into her natural energy flow, and recharge herself from the inside-out. 

For the first time she took time to rest, play and recover. She allowed herself to just be with herself in a way she never had before. And instead of white-knuckling through her to-do list, feeling overwhelmed or under pressure, she tapped into her deep, true and intrinsic love for her work, and let it rise naturally from within.

Now when Amber sits down at her desk she gets so much more done -- without the buzz of pressure ringing in her ears.   

Real performance, it turns out, begins with real restoration.

Because as much as she may want these dreams for herself (and she does!) she can’t achieve them, so long as she’s performing for someone else, or pushing from expectations.

This Isn’t Home-Depot… 

Grace is the founder of a highly successful tile showroom. It’s a career she loves, a business that she’s built from the ground up. 

So it was all the more surprising that she found herself becoming triggered by her own customers.  

(Specifically anyone who walked through the door and treated it like a Home-Depot -- or any other soulless, faceless store.)

She began to worry that her business was being negatively affected and at times stressed to go into work. 

But you see, there was one simple reason why that cut so deep...

Grace is deeply artistic -- with a BFA in Painting. And when we stripped it all back we realized: her work is so much more than “just selling tiles” (or rearranging the furniture for that matter). In fact, her showroom is less of a store, and more like a museum. And she loves nothing more than building something meaningful, beautiful, and personal with her clients. 

And when customers couldn’t see her unique work and its quality, it triggered her right back to childhood -- when she was unseen, unacknowledged and unappreciated by her family.  

But here’s the thing: no one can fill that void except her. All the success in the world won’t make her happy, until she sees herself for who she truly is.

Grace is a client whose story fills my heart. Because by the end of our time together? She could truly see her own depth and artistry -- and doesn’t need the approval of anyone else to be connected to  it.

… And We’re Not Rearranging the Furniture

What all of these stories show is the same truth I learned years ago in my massage practice: 

Real change doesn’t come from surface-level fixes.

You can replace a hip, and prescribe exercises. You can give someone the perfect productivity system, leadership framework, or communication strategy. You can teach people what to say, how to show up, or how to perform. 

And sure, for a moment, there might be a shift.

But if the deeper patterns remain, if your nervous system and psyche are untouched you’re simply working with what you already have… 

You’re rearranging the furniture.

And sometimes you need to strip it all back, and get down to the bare foundations, and your own unique nature. 

We’re Doing the Deep Work.

That’s why my work today is about going deep -- beyond motivation, communication, triggers, and performance -- and uncovering what lives beneath. Because when you open up, and feel safe enough to reconnect with yourself, and repair your own system, everything else in life changes.

In fact, Grace puts it better than I ever could…

“I've been in and out of just talk therapy for 20 years. I love talk therapy, I'm always working on myself. But Naomi is so knowledgeable and accessible, it blows my mind… Her work will change your life. Not to sound dramatic, but it will change your daily life. 

“Now, instead of thinking or trying to live my life in a growth-mindset, I am actually doing it, and at all levels too! Emotionally, professionally, spiritually.” 

I can’t tell you how happy this makes me! Because it backs up all I know to be true:

However hard, scary or nervous doing the deep work makes you feel, everything in life is always better. 

Every. Single. Time. 

Love and Blessings, 🙏🏻💛🪷

P.S. If you’re ready to stop rearranging the furniture and actually do the deep work, the most powerful way I can support you is through my 1:1 coaching container, Deepen & Align.

Together, we’ll uncover what’s unconsciously running your system, and what blocks you need to overcome, so you can reconnect with yourself and reach your next level of growth -- in business, in relationships, and in life.

Apply Now